Just in case you had not guessed, there will be “frank” speech is this article


Just checking, I knew the title would grab your attention.

A recent article in The Telegraph about Debbie Harry was titled “Debbie Harry on punk, refusing to retire and sex at 69.”  Brilliant. A great article about a punk icon, and feminism in music, but the headline hook of “Sex at 69” drew the most attention, at least the most comments. You cannot look at those words and not imagine Debbie Harry rolling about in your bed.

Outside the author of the article fawning over her, Debbie is quoted once about sex, she speaks of Victorian realities.

The comments, nastiest in misogynistic Britain but repeated in other fora, focus not on her music, but on sex with the elderly, one person stating it’s all over for women once they pass thirty two. I’m guessing the commenter was far from reaching thirty two. I am far more attracted to women my age and older than young women, would it be fair for me to suggest women do not become attractive until they are in their forties? Attraction derives from many factors, probably why there are so many different people. There were a few younger women in my life when I was in my thirties, but I’m pretty sure it has been at least twenty years since I have been with a women younger than thirty two. Okay, on edit, I remembered a few, but not many, and twenty sounds better than seventeen in the phrase.

Young people. So sure they are the only ones who have ever been alive.

Perhaps Star Trek influenced my outlook. Exotic is always alluring. I have known women who turned out to be vapid self-absorbed androids. They remained alluring. In the end, they made excellent examples in the “What to look for if you will never be in this town again” manual. But they are still nice to look at.



Apparently the fascination with differences is not rare. The subject has enough interest to show up routinely in fiction (and life), which gives me the opportunity to share an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, filmed twenty five years later. This because it has this scene with Bebe Neuwirth, who happens to be from Princeton and is only two weeks younger than me. The bit at 2:15 is elegant in its unspoken acknowledgement.



The attraction to those who are different is pervasive, as obvious as guys with beer bellies thinking the latest supermodel might be interested in them. So why is it some impenetrable barrier exists at the border of our comfort zones?

A few weeks ago during the “Fifty Shades” buzz (glad that passed quickly), I wrote a simple and straightforward explanation/defense of bondage and domination. A friend was exceptionally offended, and suggested (in public) I seek help. I have no desire to know the details of his love life, but I cannot imagine I would be offended by them. I would never suggest someone seek help unless they were a danger to themselves or others. I have been told the truth is dangerous.

The age thing doesn’t cross all barriers, but it remains a taboo subject. Each generation seems surprised their ancestors procreated. The thought of their parents involved in the act stops most people in their tracks. Why? Did they think they were delivered by storks? Did they think the age would arrive at which they would lose all interest? I pity their partners.

I spent a few years with a woman fifteen years my senior. I did not know until our second date her age, and I was surprised. All of our friends assumed we were the same (my) age. Bodies vary, and age differently. Isn’t this the exotic that we should find alluring?

I don’t know what happens in these peoples lives. If your partner is no longer attractive, what does that say about you? Is this not the person you loved last week? Is there a mirror handy? If you were only attracted to a set combination of features, why not buy a doll?

There is a person in there. It is the person, not the body (but yeah, usually also), you should find attractive. Yes, I know, I said there is a way you should feel. Twice. I could give a couple of dozen other examples but I believe I have conveyed my sentiment.

We are given this universe to experience. Every sense we have is designed to attune to a variety of stimuli. Any logic would bring you to “every stimuli is to be expected.”

There is so much tearing us all apart, do we need to worry about how each of us give and receive pleasure? The fact we do indeed give and receive pleasure should be the emphasis.

Sex should be about rejoicing in another. That joy is tainted if one is distracted by the joy others are experiencing.






6 comments on “Sex

  1. Mike R says:

    Good to know that I’m not the only person who was attracted to exotic Star Trek ladies.

    One of the many beautiful aspects of the Bible is its teachings on the wonder and mystery of the male and female relationship. Or so I think. The cultural mandate given in Genesis places woman in great honor and responsibility over the populating of the world (although we males thankfully have a part!). The mandate over the physical and social world grants men the incredible honor of subduing it. Woman is spiritually submissive to man’s authority in that realm, as she dies to self and lives in Christ.. Man is held to love an cherish and respect and honor in a way possible in reality only by Christ as he dies to self and lives in Christ.

    And in a way I cannot fathom as a mortal, it is all a picture of that great marriage feast that awaits us, as that marriage which earthly marriage points upward and forward to. And in an even more mysterious way, the relationship between earthly husband and wife reflects in some small way the relationship within the godhead.

    As I enjoy anonymity in this forum I can share that I have been married for almost 40 years. 18 years (and boy do I know it!) there has been no sex as my wife has severe disabilities that prevent her from more than cuddling. Anything else is physically impossible or painful. I have gone through bouts of resentment and anger towards God. Attempts to justify sex outside of marriage. Pity and pouting sessions. But through it all I have learned that God’s creation of the male and female union is richer than any physical sex. Thankfully he blessed us with that amazing physical communion, of course. But in submission to Christ, in accepting the sovereignty of God and his loving plan for my life I am able to find moments of great peace and contentment as I go through mortification and vivification in Christ, as the Reformers would call it. Let’s be honest, sometimes I am not content, such is the sinful nature of mortal man.

    I think that if anyone can relate to mental sex, you will, Blake. You are one of those who never separates your description of physical sex in your past marriages from the greater excitement and allure that you have for the mind and heart of your lover.

    When I am most honest with myself, there is a greater vacuum that is created in my being when my wife fails to attempt to understand the person that lives within me, than there is due to any lack of the ability to physically join with her. Oh the joy it is when another person gentle and softly reaches into my inner mind. When they are excited to discover more of me and lovingly look past the warts of my personalty.

    Leon Redbone is one of my favorite musician/singers. He has a song that I think truly captures the desires of many men, “I Want to be Seduced.” While it overtly refers to physical seduction, I now find it a great reflection of the magic of mental and emotional seduction that can exist even without any physical consummation. Perhaps it might even be better than anything physical as it might end up disappointing. The idea of a woman wanting to be with me. Wanting to “get little ‘ol me into her bed.” Physical is wonderful, of course. But when it cannot exist, and even if it does, surely the emotional, mental and soulful level is even more exciting.

    Praise God for the wonderful work he did in making two sexes!


  2. Mari Collier says:

    Benjamin Franklin had it right. He recommended older women as a mistress to his son. Most men (for health reasons) lose their ability, but not women. Strange, considering most men dwell on the subject, and many women do not. I’ve had women tell me they are relieved when their husbands can no longer achieve an erection. I pitied them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kblakecash says:

      That is sad. He was worse than nothing. One wonders if the essential in “making Love,” that is to say Love, was still shared between them.


    • Mike R says:

      Alas, what a troubled world we have lived in since the fall of man. One can only imagine that Adam and Eve, prior to their rebellion, had no such problems.

      I suppose in some relationships it is a relief when the partner of those who do not enjoy sex lose their own ability or desire. In my own situation I try to avoid causing my disabled wife to feel any loss of her womanhood or disappointment on my part. I have not always been successful. Were it not for God’s gift of faith in him, that he is sovereign in all affairs, I’m not sure I would fare as well in dealing with it all. I can remember going through periods in which I complained to God about the unfairness of it all, e.g., “if marriage is a gift from you to allow for relations between a man and woman, what good can it be if I am married and cannot enjoy them? Indeed, I felt as though God had bound me in a difficult situation–better if I were not married that I might be able to find a partner to have a physical relationship. I’m still growing and I haven’t gotten there, yet but I can now see that there is a greater blessing, some of which will not be realized in this world, in learning to be content with my situation. Learning to realize that I should be more sorrowful for my wife, who is disabled. And when that thought arises, I feel the deep conviction in my heart that I should feel–I am more concerned about myself than her. My first thoughts should be for her own inability to enjoy certain things in life. And the next thought should be that I must be about doing all I can to love her and cheris her. Treasure her. Our situation is not an accident. No tragedy. It has been ordained by God, a God who knows what we most need more than either of us do.


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