I am still here

I have been having a rather rough time lately. I write from my heart and my heart has been broken.

Today, 16 August 2014, is the fourth anniversary of my first my first date with Lieve. It was the evening, and remainder of the date, that changed my life. I was struggling for meaning, and I found someone who believed in me. We connected on every level.

In a few weeks she leaves for Belgium. We had planned to go together, but she changed her mind and decided to “take a break,” so I will be staying behind, wondering how long her break will be. I remain hopeful, but there is reason to believe she will not be coming back, at least not to be husband and wife.

I’ve been to seek counseling, have seen psychologists and psychiatrists, have started taking anti-depressants again and stopped crying. Better living through chemistry.

I’ll be writing again, maybe once a week at first to share my insights and experiences. I’ve started a real job, working for Amazon, it’s rather interesting if not terribly challenging. I’ll have a roommate, a Ph.D. candidate in Anthropology from Iran, which promises to produce some interesting conversations, and maybe some new recipes.

So just taking the moment, an anniversary of when I started living again, to let you all know I’m still alive and will be around more.

Oh, and I saw Sharon again…

And I cut my hair.

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13 comments on “I am still here

  1. Mari Collier says:

    My heart goes out to you, Blake. Losing a loved through death is traumatic enough. Losing one while both still live is worse. I’ve seen that play out in too many people’s lives. Prayers for healing. Reach out whenever you need to do so. People still care about you.

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  2. Cindy Mullins says:

    Sharon? and a haircut?
    I always cut my hair in the midst of emotional crisis…we must be related. But I never saw Sharon. (:

    💜mom

    Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 13:00:52 +0000
    To: lcmullins3@hotmail.com

    Like

    • kblakecash says:

      I’m sure she plays the West Coast mom, usually small venues and off the beaten path, but she did hit NYC this time through.I’ll check her schedule, she’s still a little girl at heart, her dad was in the audience the night we saw her last (she’s from Jersey).

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  3. Mike R says:

    Your name brought a smile to my face when I checked my email this morning. The smile faded as my heart began to hurt for your situation. I prayed for you and Lieve, for your relationship and for the depression that you are going through. I too well know the depths of that ugly black dog. Having suffered its unwanted companionship since I was a child, I know that he is always lurking somewhere in the shadows. Glad to hear that you are seeking professional help. I haven’t found any miracle cures, but I am one of those who has benefited from anti-depressants and counseling. The medications seem to give a kick-start to get me to the point that I can benefit from the counseling.

    There are likely no words that can lessen your pain at this point. I do know that I am only one of many that care about you.

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  4. Keeping you in my prayers, Blake. I still believe God will see you through this.

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  5. Barry Parham says:

    Good to see your voice, friend.

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  6. Good to see you around, Blake.

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  7. I haven’t been very attentive to my virtual friends lately and am saddened by your sadness. I certainly do hope to hear more from you. Without your insights and words, the world seems just a bit more empty.

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